The problem is that 2008 started with the high and exhilaration of 2007 and continue to build all the way to the fall, but instead of a continued increase or level one, the enjoyment began to quickly drop as changes in my life occur, followed by a low point that I had thought was never to be seen again.
This past month has been really though, with work slowing down to a crawl, having less people to hang out with, and not having anyone I can even talk with or to. I've been basically doing absolutely nothing, but reading books and watching TV. Due to illness and the weather, I've not even been able to hike. I somehow feel myself getting dumber and I can swear I can feel my muscle going into atrophy. I almost feel like I'm going through a second quarterlife crisis, if that's even possible; the first one was not pretty. I am beyond bored! I feel so lonely! and I feel completely lost in every aspect of my life!
"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible." -Carl Jung
If it wasn't for a couple friends that I've either reconnected with or gotten closer to, as well as some distant friends, I think I might have lost my mind. Talking to someone requires more than having someone to talk to. They have to be able to relate, understand, and listen to you. I can't believe I'm saying this, but there really is a difference between the sexes when it comes to listening. Girls really are just better at it than guys. Being able to talk to someone is a relief I didn't think I needed until it was lost. Another reason I haven't lost my mind is also because of those same friends who's made me feel wanted. You have no idea how good that makes me feel. To be needed makes one feel good, but to be wanted is a completely different high.
I've also seen a lot of people which I hadn't seen in a very long time these past couple weeks, which has been really good for me.
Now that 2009 is pretty much around the corner. I've got some huge decision I have to make. The first and foremost is my career. I absolutely love what I do, but I am completely frustrated with the not knowing. Not knowing when work is coming to town. Not knowing when I'll next work or when I'll next get paid. Not knowing if I'll even get a call when a project is in town. I am a curious individual and the not knowing is killing me. I have to decided which direction I need to follow or even if I have to follow a new path. This is though! When should you give up on your dream? And how do you know if you've done enough to achieve it? This is not going to be an easy decision to make and it will also not be a quick one. I'll definitely be contemplating this decision way past the 1st.
I've got a ton of other decision I need to make, but I won't bore you guys anymore than I have, plus some are personal.
I am really hoping for a good 2009, but I know that if I want 2009 to be good, I have to make it good and not wait for it to become good.
